Day 11. I actually had to check my tracker as
I cannot remember a time before when things have been so smooth, I
really didn't know what day I was on. I'm not sure what's different,
but I feel different... Life is changing, so maybe the knock on is less
symptoms? and I mean good change, positive change... I'm trying to
find the words to help describe what's happened over this past cycle and
a half... No negative symptoms, no crashes, or depression... been
feeling pretty stable... and that is AMAZING!
Change something. We end up repeating the same patterns because we become wired with REactions to things that happen in our lives. This is the same with illness and dis-ease. It IS possible to manage symptoms, to feel better, but you gotta change something. You may have lots of ideas in your head that sound and feel like they would be good for you, why not make a promise to yourself to try one.
Change ONE thing... For me, this month, I started an online Astrology course. 2 hours every Monday morning. It's given me something to get up for on a Monday. It's a good start to the week. It's made me organise and attempt other things in my life, stuff I may have been too scared to try. By adding one structure into my life, it's having a knock on effect to other things. I have wanted to do some formal study in Astrology all my life, and it feels good to finally be doing it. WHY did I wait so long!
Go deep within. You KNOW what's best for you. If you are being called to change your job, find a job, write, draw, go to college or start a course the DO IT! You may think of a thousand reasons why you can't or shouldn't, but ignore all that. If it feels like the right path then take it. Find a way. If it IS the right path, it will happen, it will flow and it will feel easy.
Don't let PMDD stand in your way. Almost every woman I have ever spoken too is smart, intelligent and strong. They just need to realise it. They just need to be brave and start to mold their lives around them, find their own way. We are unique women, it just takes time to figure out how to be unique in a world that likes regularity and conformity.
A little project I have started to keep me busy and focused! I would really appreciate it if you could go and check out my shop. With Christmas coming you just might find something unique for that special someone. Every product sold raises money for animal charities, and buys me a fancy coffee!
I wrote this earlier... inspired by the following quote that came up in my news feed. Although this is a blog and not a group, it still applies... and I felt like sharing.
truth is, in order to heal we need to tell our stories and have them
witnessed...The story itself becomes a vessel that holds us up, that
sustains, that allows us to order our jumbled experiences into meaning.
As I told my stories of fear, awakening, struggle, and transformation
and had them received, heard, and validated by other women, I found
healing. I also needed to hear other women's stories in order to see
and embrace my own. Sometimes another woman's story becomes a mirror
that shows me a self I haven't seen before. When I listen to her tell
it, her experience quickens and clarifies my own. Her questions rouse
mine. Her conflicts illumine my conflicts. Her resolutions call forth my
hope. Her strengths summon my strengths. All of this can happen even
when our stories and our lives are very different." — Sue Monk Kidd (The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman's Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine)
THIS is what my groups are all about. We may have come together
through PMDD, in the same way as new mum's get together with their
babies, or people with mutual interests or hobbies, but essentially, we
have created our own sisterhood. We share our own stories and truths,
we grow and learn from each other. We find similar traits and quirks,
we learn how similar, and at the same time, how different we all are.
We come together and a kind of magic happens. We start to heal. We
start to take our lives into our hands and deal with the things that
don't serve us, learn what we like or don't like. We learn what might
be holding us back, by listening to the words of someone else's story
and identifying with them. We connect, we feel, we support.
Through sharing we become stronger. We become more ourselves, because
we have a space to be ourselves in. Cherish it. Many women out there
don't have this. A place to talk, freely, with lots of other women.
What a wonder the internet is to be able to provide this space! The
group is your witness.
We've come together sharing a
darkness. We are women who know the shadow. We know what it feels like
to fear, to hate, to feel pain, mental and physical. We have found
each other in the dark. I merely lit a candle and waited for you all
There is such strength amongst us. If only each of us could see and know how strong we already are.
I had a comment from a man in the past, telling me how my groups had
made his girlfriend worse. Worse I wonder? Worse for who?
women come together and share and talk.. even over the internet, things
can start changing. Women might realise they are unhappy with their job
for example, or that that particular friendship is really not helping
them to heal or grow. They might realise their abusive partner is
actually out of line and decide to leave them. I know we talk a lot
about PMDD, but we also talk a lot about life and our situations. When
you start realising your truth, when you start making your own choices,
life around you changes and that might not meet with other people's
approval, it might make you seem different to real life friends or
family. In turn you may meet with resistance. This is when you call on
the collective. This is when you draw on the strength, the knowledge
and the love of your sisters.
Keep going. PMDD is challenging,
but there is so much to be gained. Whatever you feel you need to do,
to make life easier, better, change, go with it. We know ourselves
better than anyone else.
Use what you learn here. Share what you know. Know that you are loved and accepted here for ALL you are.
A more alternative and spiritual view of my PMDD and menstrual cycle can be found over on my Natural Shaman blog.
Today's post is about Valerian and it's magical properties. I've been using valerian tea recently, during the day as an anti-anxiety/calming tea, rather than to sleep, but I have also found out some interesting correspondences and folk lore about the herb.
To all of you who have contacted me and sent such lovely messages...
I'm doing ok. Day 16 is here and I've had around 10 days of reasonable stable mood. I could feel the changes for ovulation start a few days ago, with the mild pain, leading to a big heavy feeling in my womb today. My head however has managed to stay on track, until today.
Today, the heaviness, the feeling in my womb that makes me so aware of the changes has been trying to divert my thoughts too. I distracted myself with a film, but it was so hard to just pay attention to the film and not listen to my mind telling me I should be doing other things, or that everything I've been thinking of recently is all bullshit. I know it's not, I know that I've been feeling good, positive about new choices I might make. I had been feeling excited and content.
Today has been lazy. Tomorrow will be busier. I'm starting a course in Astrology and am really looking forward to it. I'm hoping it will kick start my usual rubbish Monday mornings and give me a better mindset for the rest of the week.
Thanks again for all the words of encouragement and kindness.
I'm still here! and will try and write again soon xx